Because It Hurts
by GiraffeGirl
Summary: Rose finally confronts the Doctor with everything. Set during Rise of the Cybermen. Read and review!


A/N: This didn't exactly turn out like I'd planned it, but that's life and writing really isn't it! That's probably why the ending is a bit random! Still, I had fun lol...

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"Rose, stop!" he ordered her, as he ran after her. She didn't reply, just kept going in the same way, her blonde her bouncing, her hands shoved into her pockets. She knew where she was going after all; this wasn't exactly the most alien place he'd ever taken her. 

"Rose!" he tried again. Not even an atom of her twitched in response. She could hear him, he knew that. He was only a few paces behind her. She was just being rude and ignorant.

He should have gone after Mickey. Mickey was less feisty than Rose, less stubborn and wilful. Also ten times more boring, and a right royal pain in the arse, but at least he'd have stopped by now. Trust Rose to stick to her word.

"Rose, I'm telling you now. Stop."

At last. A reaction. She stopped instantly, so quickly he almost collided with her. She turned round and faced him, a wry smile on her face. But her eyes were sad, so sad.

"Happy? I've stopped."

"Yes. Very. Thank you."

She raised her eyebrows expectantly. "What do you want?"

The Doctor was at a loss for words for once. He wasn't really sure what he wanted. He wanted Rose to come back with him, to not even try and find her father. He wanted to get out of this place, but that was impossible until the TARDIS had recharged.

She didn't wait for an answer. "Did you want me to stop so you could tell me what to do? So you could control my life a bit more?"

The Doctor frowned. She was spitting out the words, a wild look in her eyes. Her face was unreadable, completely blank and hard. "Rose?"

"Did you want me to stop so you could coop me up in that wooden piece of crap for a bit longer?"

"Oh, now hold on a minute!" Insulting him was one thing; insulting the TARDIS was a whole other thing.

But Rose was on a roll. "Or was it so you could tell me some more lies? That you care about me? That you love travelling with me?" She shook her head. "Why should I listen to a word you say anymore, Doctor? Where have I ever got from listening to you?"

The Doctor was baffled. Where was all this hatred coming from?

"I thought you of all people would understand why I want to go and see my dad," Rose continued. "I thought you'd realise that if I'm here… if he's here… he's my family, Doctor, he's my _dad_."

"No, he's not Rose," he tried again, desperately wishing he could get through to her. "He's not your dad, this is not your world. Your dad is dead. This is not him, this is his…" He struggled to explain in simple terms.

"This is what could have been," Rose shot back. "This is what could have been if things had been different." The Doctor started to speak and she shook her head as she began backing away. "No, don't bother. You're not going to stop me this time." And she whipped round and began walking away again.

"Rose!" the Doctor ran after her and drew level. "Listen to me. You can't just show up at Pete's door and announce who you are. You're not his daughter. He doesn't have a daughter. You shouldn't even be here."

"But I am."

"Yes, I know you are!" God, she was infuriating at times. It was obvious she was, they were all here, because of some freak of nature all but destroying the TARDIS. Maybe it was the extra weight of Mickey… he knew he should never have invited that guy on board.

"So there must be a reason for me being here."

"No, Rose, there's not." The Doctor shook his head. "You know that's not how it works, it was a mistake, an accident. Blame me, blame Mickey, blame the TARDIS, but don't start thinking it was some act of God bringing you and Pete together again. Your father is dead. This isn't your father. God, how many times!"

"I don't know, maybe I'm not as intelligent as you'd like!" Rose snapped back. "Maybe I need things explaining more times than some people." The final few words were loaded with meaning. Only the Doctor wasn't entirely sure what that meaning was.

"But you don't!" he said incredulously. "You're not stupid, Rose, you know what I'm telling you is the truth. You know I'm right. So, come on, stop and come back with me. You can blame me as much as you like, you can yell and scream and call me all the names under the sun. But please… just, come back."

Rose hesitated. For one moment the walls she built up crumbled down and he thought he'd cracked her. Then she put her guard up again. She shook her head. "No."

"Rose!"

"Just go away!" she snarled. "Leave me alone! I don't need you looking after me, and telling me what to do and explaining things all the time. Just go back to your precious bloody TARDIS and go back to wherever you came from. Leave me here if you like." The Doctor gaped at her. She lost some of her fight. "It's not like you haven't done that before."

He caught her arm. "Rose?" His brow was furrowed and his voice was low and soft.

"Let me go."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Just let me go!"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Rose wrenched her arm out of his grasp but didn't make a move to leave him again. She dropped her eyes to the ground and in that moment, her whole body seemed to sag. He wanted to hold her suddenly, to wrap her up in his arms and never let go. She looked so young, so fragile, so alone, so… Rose.

"What's wrong?"

Rose jutted her jaw out in an attempt at being strong. "Like you don't already know."

"Would I be asking if I knew?" the Doctor demanded crossly. She flinched at his words and took a step backwards. He sighed heavily, trying to calm himself. He flexed and unflexed his hands trying to release some tension. He wanted to reach out and hold onto her hand, her shoulder, _something_ to try and stop her leaving. She seemed so far away still, like she could start running again at any moment. But he was scared she'd pull away if he did.

"Please tell me," he said now, trying so hard to keep his voice level. "Come on, Rose. I thought we were friends."

"I thought we were too." The bitterness and anger had left her voice, now replaced with something even worse… she sounded so sad it nearly broke both his hearts.

"We are!" he said now. "Rose, you know we are!"

Rose shook her head. "No, we're not. Friends don't lie. Friends don't ignore each other. Friends don't abandon each other. Friends don't find other friends and choose them over their old friends."

Even the Doctor's brain was getting a bit confused by that little speech. But he thought he'd followed the main part of it. It didn't mean he was any the wiser about what was wrong with Rose. "Riiiiight," he said slowly. "No, you're right, friends don't do those things." He frowned as the penny slowly, very slowly, dropped. "Do you think _I've_ done those things?" Lying? Ignoring? Abandoning? Choosing? She was painting a very negative picture of him. "Rose, when have I done all those things?" She snorted and rolled her eyes in response. "Seriously!" the Doctor caught her arm. She pulled it away again. "Rose. Please."

Rose finally lifted her eyes to meet his. "You… you said you loved travelling with me."

"I do." He nodded earnestly.

"Then why…" Rose paused and took a deep breath, trying to swallow back the sobs that were threatening to overtake her voice. "Then why did you leave me?" He frowned again. "Up on that spaceship. When you went to save… to save… _her_." She paused again. "What about me?"

He reached out to hug her and she stepped away, shaking her head. "No, it's fine," she insisted, even as tears rolled down her face. "I get it. She was… she was perfect, wasn't she? Exactly what a Timelord needs. Not some stupid chavvy teenager from a council estate in London who can't dance or sing or paint or anything. I get it, Doctor!" she said again as he tried again to touch her.

"No, Rose, no you don't!" he tried to convince her. "It wasn't like that, I didn't plan it! She just…" How could he possibly explain what had passed between him and Reinette?

"Don't lie anymore," Rose said, almost begging him. "Don't say things you don't mean. You'd have stayed with her, wouldn't you? You were willing to stay with her in France and give all this up."

"I didn't have much choice!"

"But you're not willing to do that for me, are you? You'll never stop all this for me." She shook her head. "I'm not angry with you, Doctor, I'm just…" She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does! Please, Rose, please don't be like this!" His hearts were racing. _Don't leave me. Don't leave me alone._

Rose looked down at her hands, picking her nails. "Would you even notice if I didn't come back with you?"

"Yes!"

"I don't think you would. I mean, you could always pick someone else up, couldn't you? You could look Sarah-Jane up again. Though maybe she's come to her senses now. Realised that it's not worth it. That you're not worth it."

His left heart broke. She had it so wrong. _So tell her_. He couldn't.

"I never promised you anything, Rose," he said instead, awkwardly. "I never said it was forever."

"I know. That was me," Rose agreed. "But… well, like you said. I don't have forever do I? And you can't even promise me my forever." She blinked away tears. "I loved you, Doctor. I'd have done anything for you."

"Rose -"

"Anything, Doctor. I mean it, I…" She shook her head. "But it doesn't matter."

"Rose, you know I care about you," he said. She snorted again. "I do, Rose! More than you could ever imagine. Why do you think I'm here, why do you think I'm trying to stop you seeing Pete? Because I care about you, I don't want to see you hurt anymore!" He realised how stupid that sounded in light of what she'd just said. "And I'm sorry I have. Rose… it was the last thing on my mind, hurting you. I just… I didn't think."

Rose smiled sadly. "Ironic that. The Doctor not thinking."

He smiled back. "I know. I wish I could explain it better."

"Try."

He pulled a face. "Rose, I can't. I wish I could but…" He met her eyes. "It hurts."

Rose looked surprised but nodded. "Yeah. I know. It does." She reached and squeezed his hand. She didn't drop it afterwards.

"I'd do anything to make it up to you."

"Anything?"

He nodded.

Rose hesitated before saying, "Come with me, then. Come and find my dad."

The Doctor couldn't help laughing then. "I walked into that one, didn't I?"

Rose nodded and tugged on his hand. "Come on."

"Okay!" he let himself be pulled along by her. "And on the way, you can fill me in on Mickey."


End file.
